i found a book on how to be invisible

I have dealt with formative misfortunes by attempting to be invisible as much as possible. if you are invisible, you cannot be attacked, scolded, criticized, or, perhaps most essentially, rejected. But if you are invisible, you cannot be loved, nor heard, and you can never enjoy the basic human pleasure of sharing with other people you trust. There's obviously a part of me, the artist, the voice, the word - that does NOT want to hide, but I have completely unresolved issues of my willingness to be authentic with other humans. And this discord, this desire to continue to hide lest I be held accountable to standards I learned early on that I would never be able to meet vs. the desire to sing, dance, love, live, and be boldly, unapologetically me and not just in secret, but with other people, has been at the center of my life for a very long time. Love me, but don't look at me, see me, but don't know me. Like a ghost. This statements seem perhaps grim, but I do not feel sorry. I am relieved to see parts of myself more clearly, to understand myself in such a useful way. Because when you live your life to please and avoid other people, your whole inside turns to escaping, your every impulse consumed with a totally negative relation to everyone. But people love me. I love them. The things I learned about the world as a child were limited to the circumstances around me, to foolish assumptions about myself based on the adult drama swirling around me. What I am is fine. It's fine if other people see me. And if I am not so worried about making them think a certain thing about me, maybe I can finally see myself, a self whose inside is not all escaping.